Jeff Foxworthy on Kansas
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each
year because it's the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Kansas.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you might live in Kansas.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Kansan WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-70 for the weekend. 2. You
measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a
deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
day and back again. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing
camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security
lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry
jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction. 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a
deer next to your blue spruce. 13. You were unaware that there is a
legal drinking age. 14. Down South to you means Oklahoma. 15. A brat is
something you eat. 16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new
pole shed. 17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday. . 19. You
have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 20. You find 0
degrees "a little chilly." 21. You actually understand these jokes, and you
forward them to all your Kansas friends.
"When the Buffalo are gone, we will hunt mice, for we are hunters, and we want our freedom..." (Sitting Bull)
"Republicans believe every day is 4th of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15." (Ronald W. Reagan)