Poopin in the woods stories

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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Blackcloud870 » Fri Nov 22, 2013 5:38 pm

bighop wrote:Wow, long lost friends, reunited with an oriental fart.



You don't see that every day.

O.M.F.G. ^^^That^^^ was fuuhgggin hilarious. Bighop, congrats you just won at life.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby MinnesotaDan » Fri Nov 22, 2013 6:36 pm

This fall I had to take a big crap. I knew it was coming but we were in a rush so I just grabbed a box of kleenexes and threw them in my bag.

After I thought it was a safe time to take a dump, I went off into some brush and the second I got all my stuff unbuckled and squated down, I see about 15 fat mallards coming right into decoys. From a distance I got to see my buddy chunk it and not hit a single one.



I usually wear a sacrificial t-shirt over my long underwear, solely for the purpose of using it to wipe my *** if I need too. We were in western mn and about halfway to the spot and I felt it round the corner in my large intestine. I knew it was gonna be close. We get to the spot and I needed to go bad, so I took my sacrificial t-shirt off and started looking for a good place to go, but there are no trees in Western MN, so had to run a culvert to hold my self up. The poop came out exactly what it looks like when the calves I branded poop when you put the hot iron on them. Just green and liquid. I threw my shirt in the culvert and proceeded with my morning.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby dave79 » Fri Nov 22, 2013 8:23 pm

I was deer hunting a few years ago. It was getting later in the morning and the old guts had been rumbling for a while. So I get down and knew I was not going to make it back to the house. So I do the whole droppin a deuce in the woods ritual. And of course there was no tp in my pack, and I really like the shirt I had on, so I just used a blaze orange stocking hat I had. I covered it up pretty good, or so i thought. My brother went and hunted that stand a few days later. He comes in the house and says hey did you lose this hat, I instantly lost it, and he instantly realized why I left it in the woods.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby B.E.Nelli » Sat Nov 23, 2013 12:22 am

Oh my gosh these are awesome. I'm so glad someone revived this, or I would never have seen it. Pooping and farting will be the 2 things that everyone of every age will always find funny.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby ArkansasRobertson » Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:28 am

Its Taco Tuesday.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby OHIODUCKA5 » Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:33 am

ArkansasRobertson wrote:Its Taco Tuesday.


Pm quacknstack6 ask him about Taco Tuesday
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-Gene Hill

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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby WoodyWhiffingMG » Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:45 am

dirtyj wrote:So we were deer hunting in western Virginia and it was real cold - like 5 degrees. 4 of us and we rode in a car - a Chrysler Labaron. We are dressed in as much warm stuff as possible and we were all wearing full insulated jump suits.

We get done hunting and pile in the car and we are shivering and trying to warm up as we drive along. We stayed fully dressed in teh car b/ it was so cold. About 20 mins into the ride, it starts to smell like sh!t in the car and we all start complaing, pull over and get out to check our shoes and such to see who stepped in a pile. We're stomping our feet and looking around but nothing is apparent. Its now dark, windy and colder and just in the few minutes we are out of the car, the car was freezing again so we start driving again.

20 mins later the same thing happens - a waft of sh!t smell starts rolling around the car again. We pull over, same thing - check ourselves, look under the car, hood, check the trunk - nothing.

Back in the car and its really freezing now. 20 mins later - sh!t smell again! Driver slams on the breaks and we all jump out screaming and cursing at each other. We finally decide we need to do a strip search (not naked, but remove some of our layers) and there she is nestled nicely in my friend's hood of his jump suit - a lovely frozen yet thawing duece.

Apparently during the day he had to take a dump and due to the cold and layers he didn't make arrangements for his hood as he squatted to poo. The poo went in his hood and then froze solid due to the extreme cold. He zipped back up and sat there the rest of the day w/ a frozen stool staring @ him from his hood!

We figured the car took about 20 mins to heat up and that's when the duke started thawing each time. When we had stopped and got out, the thing must have refrozen just enough to hide again until the Lebaron warme dup again.

Anyway, this was a few years ago near Wythville, VA and if anyone ever found a full camo, inulated jump suit on the side of 81 you, sir, had the surprise of your life when you got it home.

:lol: :lol:
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby KyFowl20 » Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:28 pm

Public lake in Central KY:
2 years ago on a public lake here in noducktucky it was about 12 degrees with a 25mph north wind. ( you can imagine how much clothes I had on) I had to drop a deuski so I started my rummage through the blind bad to see what I could round up for the cleanup. All I had was a snickers candy bar wrapper and an empty box of Winchester shells. Needless to say, I used the box. It's actually not too bad after you wrinkle it up a hundred times. I showered when I got home. :no:
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby teamoutlaw » Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:19 pm

the paint hit me once in flooded corn field on a new lease we were in on. 3 pits in same field we could hunt any of them.
Its almost lunch everyone left, i sprint out and grab two corn stalks in a panic and start sprayin brown in the water and then it happens.... both stalks let loose from the ground and I fall in poopy water. I then get up mad and cleaning my bare ass and wader off only to realize one of the guys in the other pit didnt leave and he was laughing his ass off.

The ex's dad popped a squat deer hunting once and didnt clear his coveralls, threw em back on only to cover his whole back, neck and hair. He then threw up multiple times haha.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby TXducksanddeer » Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:10 pm

One time my cousin was mule deer hunting in Montana. The place has no outhouses. So he woke up in the middle of night to take a dump and finds a nice tree in the dark. In middle drop he hears a rattling sound. He looks up and there's a huge angry rattle snake about 2 feet away. So he grabs his 45 from his belt and BOOM! True story.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby TexasPuddleJumper » Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:18 pm

This thread is like a floater that just won't go down.

My best one doesn't come from a hunt. Instead, this happened while I was only 16 and in Colorado climbing up Mount Massive. That morning I had eaten two breakfast burritos (made with REAL reconstituted eggs) some cheese whiz, and two cups of coffee. We started down the trail at about 8 am and had made it to the scree fields after about an hour. I make it about halfway through the scree field and get the feeling. I have about 45 seconds before everything starts running through me like chit through a goose. We are about a mile above the tree line so I have to drop trou in front of God and everybody in my group. There is so much pressure that I feel like I should have been lifted about three feet off the side of the mountain. I finish my business and start to look in my pack for some TP... No luck... I ask the other three in my group... still no luck... So I had to sacrifice a bandanna to the dirty deed. Leaving the bandanna in a national forest that gets a lot of people through it every year is rather frowned upon, but at least I had a zip-lock bag.

That was 11 years ago and one of my buddies still laughs about the ordeal.
I'm not saying that it shouldn't be done, I'm just saying it is ill advised...
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby shoveler_shooter » Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:31 pm

TexasPuddleJumper wrote:Instead, this happened while I was only 16 and in Colorado climbing up Mount Massive.

For some reason, this made your story 2X funnier.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby steelshotslayer » Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:38 pm

shoveler_shooter wrote:
TexasPuddleJumper wrote:Instead, this happened while I was only 16 and in Colorado climbing up Mount Massive.

For some reason, this made your story 2X funnier.


We are talking bout the Mt or the chit.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby clampdaddy » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:46 pm

Was on our way to deer camp after having hit a few bars on the way up the hill. Buddy tells me to stop so he can slay a mud dragon. Prior to getting back in the truck the drunk bastard steps in it...........my floor mat and Mr. Schit heel ride the rest of the way in the back of the truck.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Blindman2 » Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:35 pm

Oh my heavens! My wife walked by and asked what was so funny. I was laughing so hard trying to describe what I had just read that tears were rolling down my cheeks and when I was finally able to get out out only the definition of " Stink Pickle " she also burst out laughing. Thanks guys for a " refreshing laugh." My oh my.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby ducks~n~bucks » Wed Nov 27, 2013 12:42 am

Two stories.
First: I shot a drake greenhead while dropping a deuce, I didn't stand up though so I did not get poop on me.
Second: I will never get this image out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I was deer hunting with my dad, before I was old enough to actually shoot. So my dad has to take a dump, and goes into the brush, it is tall enough where you can't see him squatting, but you can see the upper half of him standing. I was waiting, then I see this forked horn on the hill. I go "Dad there's a buck!" An turn to where he is, because I didn't know he was going to stand up, with his pants down to shoot an this deer. Worst image I've ever seen. So I turn to look at the buck now (which is running because I kind of yelled to my dad that it was there) and my dad killed it, then I hear "God damnit!" Well my dad's pants being around his annkles forced him to have his feet close together, he lost his balance, and you guessed it, he fell backwards into his fecal matter.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Throw Back » Wed Nov 27, 2013 2:19 am

WELL, I guess the tip of the day is, always buy shirts with a front pocket. when you need TP just give it a rip :thumbsup:
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby teamoutlaw » Wed Nov 27, 2013 2:08 pm

this is the best thread
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby jkm » Thu Nov 28, 2013 4:48 am

My best friend told me this one. He was in the first gulf war in Iraq. His unit was basically set up in the desert for 6 months after the retreat. He had to take a crap and went over one of the dunes out of the way and set up on his e-tool. He told me right as he let it fly a big gust of wind came by and he crap all over his machine gun.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Frylock » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:54 pm

I hate pooping in the woods, I'm more of poop in my pants in the truck type of guy.


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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Mike the Fox » Sat Nov 30, 2013 5:13 pm

I have nothing to contribute to this thread but thanks to everyone. I have now shot bourbon out of my nose.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby ArkansasRobertson » Mon Dec 02, 2013 10:44 am

Frylock wrote:I hate pooping in the woods, I'm more of poop in my pants in the truck type of guy.


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hahaha
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby verg » Mon Dec 02, 2013 12:28 pm

gtlegs wrote:My best friend and hunting buddy has a very regular pooping schedule. Every morning we go out, he has two breakfast burritoes and a large sweet tea. And every morning he ends up needing to go. Well one morning we were in a two man water scamp way off in the swamp. We only had one paddle and were taking turns paddling in. While he was paddling away, he all of the sudden froze in mid stroke. I asked him whats wrong, because I thought there might be a snake coming in the boat or something. He just says I gotta go, take the paddle. But the thing is, we were a LONG ways from shore. So I pull him up to a large floating tree and drop him off on it and paddle away as fast as I can. Next thing I know a here a HUGE splash and honestly thought he fell in. I turned around (which I will regret to the day I die) to check on him and see a spray coming out of him like an explosion. There was crap 10 foot up in the trees and 10 foot away from him. I will never forget that sight. As I paddle back to him, I had to dodge floating mines like I was in a war zone. I have no clue how he did it, but he ended up clean. I think that was the proudest moment of his life.


Not sure I can make it through rest of day. I laughed so hard at this one I feel ill.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby shoveler_shooter » Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:07 pm

verg wrote:
gtlegs wrote:My best friend and hunting buddy has a very regular pooping schedule. Every morning we go out, he has two breakfast burritoes and a large sweet tea. And every morning he ends up needing to go. Well one morning we were in a two man water scamp way off in the swamp. We only had one paddle and were taking turns paddling in. While he was paddling away, he all of the sudden froze in mid stroke. I asked him whats wrong, because I thought there might be a snake coming in the boat or something. He just says I gotta go, take the paddle. But the thing is, we were a LONG ways from shore. So I pull him up to a large floating tree and drop him off on it and paddle away as fast as I can. Next thing I know a here a HUGE splash and honestly thought he fell in. I turned around (which I will regret to the day I die) to check on him and see a spray coming out of him like an explosion. There was crap 10 foot up in the trees and 10 foot away from him. I will never forget that sight. As I paddle back to him, I had to dodge floating mines like I was in a war zone. I have no clue how he did it, but he ended up clean. I think that was the proudest moment of his life.


Not sure I can make it through rest of day. I laughed so hard at this one I feel ill.

That one is in the top 5 for me...first time I read it I experienced the same result as you did.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Bill Herian » Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:40 pm

Pooping in nature is pretty much the only thing that keeps me coming out anymore.
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