Poopin in the woods stories

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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby wetgoldenretriever » Mon Dec 02, 2013 10:39 pm

I'm so manly I go out of my way to poop outside


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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Bill Herian » Mon Dec 02, 2013 10:41 pm

wetgoldenretriever wrote:I'm so manly I go out of my way to poop outside


What kind of man gets out of his own way?

I don't get out of anyone's way, especially mine.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby JustinNH » Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:26 am

If I was drinking or eating too much/weird crap the night before I have a specific spot on a river with prime pooping locations, just in case. i.e. Oktoberfest party the night before = that spot.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Pitblind1754 » Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:01 pm

Ok so my buddy and I was on the boat. 7 foot of water nowhere to go. I just so happen to have forgot the emergency poop bucket. We are set up and ready to hunt about hour before daylight. He tells me man I have got to poop I am holding and got to go so bad that I'm shaking. I say man I have no idea where you can go. He says how about the live well I said hell I guess. So he opens a Walmart bag and sets it in the live well and starts his buisness. Then he sits down in live well and needless to say fell all the way in it. Funniest thing that morning and prob rest of the season...


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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby BurnettGunner » Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:34 am

This is a true story. We are deer hunting and my buddy has on these full coveralls with a hood. So he goes off to pop a squat and has to undo his whole rig. He comes back and we are walking around about an hour later and he is complaining that it smells like chit in the woods. This goes on for about 2 hours. Eventually he gets cold and flips his hood up and a clump of frozen turd about the size of a baseball flies out 3-4 feet in front of him. Still makes me laugh.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby bluegoose18 » Wed Dec 04, 2013 10:56 pm

Once upon a time. The girlfriend and I where bear hunting. We took a break to get some lunch. She wanted to head into town stop at the cafe. So on the way to town we spy this old V W van hippie style. Flowers and everything painted on this thing. Well being a local and this van was just not fitting into the picture , I stop my truck get out and start walking towards the hippie mobile. so boom out of no where this true hippie pops up smokin a well ya know anyway he
And I start talking and turns out he's a gipsey free spirit sort of guy. So as we talk I hear the girlfriend at the truck saying come on let's go I gotta take a crap she's saying. So I say see ya to the hippie and get to the truck to head on into the cafe so girlfriend could pinch one off. Well she didn't Make to the cafe she made it about 500 yards . Stop she screams let me out!!! Slam breaks on she heads for the trees. Splat I hear I'm like wow this chick is pinching loaf in the woods impressive I thought. Next thing the ol VW hippie Mobil rolls by smoking like a wood stove hippie stops walks over to girlfriend hands her a roll of TP. I just started laughing . The hippie he's out there somewhere and I'm sure he remembers the smokin hot chick chitting in the woods too! Oh know she's the wife going on20 yrs together wow time flys when you poopo in the woods
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby bdub20 » Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:35 pm

This topic would only be on a hunting site. However I am honored to post. My dad loves to on buck scrapes. But this year I've had terrible luck. TWICE my dog has came on it and decided he MUST roll in it. My duck season just started, one was during dove season. It sucks that I don't see this stuff when I park in the dark. But I am getting used to keeping an eye out for napkins now.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby David » Thu Dec 05, 2013 4:25 pm

My father is in a local bass club. He told me about this one cold winter morning that his partner had to take a dump. They head towards the bank and the guy heads to the back side of a tree. After a few minutes my dad hears all kinds of commotion. Turns out the guy dropped his cover-alls but didn't get them out of the way. Worse part is he didn't notice until he pulled them up slinging crap all over his back.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby shoveler_shooter » Fri Aug 08, 2014 2:56 pm

Bump
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby vtcupped'n'locked » Fri Aug 08, 2014 3:07 pm

I once had to take an "aquadump" while lobster diving off of Key West. Weirdest thing ever to let one lose while treading water....
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Bill Herian » Fri Aug 08, 2014 3:21 pm

vtcupped'n'locked wrote:I once had to take an "aquadump" while lobster diving off of Key West. Weirdest thing ever to let one lose while treading water....


Hell, I started aqua dumping when I was a month old.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby WoodyWhiffingMG » Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:08 pm

Bill Herian wrote:
vtcupped'n'locked wrote:I once had to take an "aquadump" while lobster diving off of Key West. Weirdest thing ever to let one lose while treading water....


Hell, I started aqua dumping when I was a month old.


Man your parents must not of liked the aftermath of bath time
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Botiz630 » Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:16 pm

vtcupped'n'locked wrote:I once had to take an "aquadump" while lobster diving off of Key West. Weirdest thing ever to let one lose while treading water....


I would have dove and done it. To me that sounds like more fun.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby cluckmeister » Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:49 pm

About 15 years ago, 3 hunting buddies and I went on a guided Snow Goose hunt in Katy Texas, we rented a big van to haul all of our gear and the trip went really well until the trip back. We decided to eat at an Outback Steak house in Conroe, 3 of us had steaks and our other buddy by the name of Harry Cox had a big Prime rib. We finished eating about 8 PM and headed home for the 600 mile drive. Well every thing went well until that prime rib started working on Harry, about 11 he said man Im gonna need to take a big one before long, I was driving and told him to relax we would surely hit a truck stop before long. Well this goes on with him for another 75 miles and he's squirming in his seat. We hadn't found anything open and we were still about 30 miles from Dallas, so I told him just to hang on and not move around to much. Well we were in the south end of Dallas and still finally hadn't found a rest room and he yells man find me somewhere to chit I GOTTA GO NOW. Well I was a half mile from an exit and I hit it. We pull off and I think we are in the Little Saigon of Dallas, every sign is written in Vietnamese ,its midnight and nothing is open, I see a Midas Muffler Shop and book it into the drive. the Van hadn't even stopped and hes hitting the payment. I figured he go around to the back but nope, theres a dumpster right in front of the building about 10 feet from the front door. Yep, you guess , oh Harry let it fly right between the front door and the dumpster. It wasn't a poop in the woods, but it was a poop in Little Saigon Dallas Texas
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby cluckmeister » Sat Aug 09, 2014 9:49 pm

If you're there for the limit, you're there for the wrong reason
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Bluesky2012 » Sun Aug 10, 2014 5:08 am

I was in the field training one time, we'd been patrolling all day, and had to poop bad but we were in an area of only sticker vines and other sharp stuff. I got my buddy to hold my hands so I could squat since there was nothing to grab and all my gear was pulling me backwards. As I was crappig with my friend holding my hands, my captain walked up and just gave us the weirdest look and then walked off. He had been gone all day and of course showed up at that exact moment.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby cluckmeister » Sun Aug 10, 2014 11:27 am

That Captain just relied you Improvised, Adapted and Overcome the issue
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby rikasam2013 » Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:29 pm

Happened to me yesterday. I was heading fishing when I felt the movement. I'm heading down a long gravel road and can see lights about 2miles back. I put on the binders, grab a napkin and jump out. I run to the other side of the truck, drop my shorts and let fly. Clean up, run back to the truck and am going in less than 60 seconds. :thumbsup:
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby aunt betty » Mon Aug 11, 2014 6:29 am

rikasam2013 wrote:Happened to me yesterday. I was heading fishing when I felt the movement. I'm heading down a long gravel road and can see lights about 2miles back. I put on the binders, grab a napkin and jump out. I run to the other side of the truck, drop my shorts and let fly. Clean up, run back to the truck and am going in less than 60 seconds. :thumbsup:

Was driving home and had to take piss bad. (emergency bad))
Pulled off and did my business. What I did not notice was that the farmer down the road was observing. Apparently he jumped into his truck and was gonna chase down whoever had been ¨dumping¨.
He followed me about 8 miles where I stopped for gas. Then he got out of his truck and stood there glaring at me while I pumped the gas into my truck. Finally he asked me what I was doing on his land. Had to think a minute to understand just what he was talking about.

So I had to explain what I did on his land. ¨Sir, I had to go and I had to go right ****ing now so I pulled over and peed on your corn¨.
He blushed and explained he'd had a lot of dumping in the past and was trying to catch whoever did it. I said ¨all I dumped was a little liquid¨. Finally he decided he hadn't caught his mystery dumper and took off.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Jbenishek » Mon Aug 11, 2014 6:31 am

Opening day 2012 had to punch out a grumpy pretty bad, had no tp so had to cut up the T-shirt. Got back to the blind to find out buddy had a fresh roll the whole time.
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Seminole39 » Mon Aug 11, 2014 7:49 am

try wiping with those little Hot Hands hand warmer things


it's a near orgasmic experience
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby bighop » Mon Aug 11, 2014 7:59 am

Seminole39 wrote:try wiping with those little Hot Hands hand warmer things


it's a near orgasmic experience

I'd make sure they weren't the adhesive versions first....
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby EMSguy » Mon Aug 11, 2014 1:41 pm

Opening day of deer season 2012 I drank about a pot and a half of coffee before going to my stand. A little after daylight I feel the rumbles, think ahh I can make it. After what feels like about 3 hours I check the time, 8:30. Crap, gotta go. Make it halfway down the ladder when I realize I can't move any more without going. Shimmy the pants down and stick my butt in between ladder steps. Made for an aromatic rest of the hunt. Crazy part is I started seeing deer after that.

Second weekend of dove season 2013 I was in the porta-potty when birds started coming in. Shot a couple while chillin on the seat. Hopped out with my pants around my ankles when a few flushed from a tree beside me. BOOM! wiggle-wiggle.... :yes:
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby cluckmeister » Mon Aug 11, 2014 3:09 pm

what happened to page 6, I pulled it up numerous times and it kept going to a page that said it had moved. Went to page 5 and made this reply

Guess its fixed, must of been a glitch
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Re: Poopin in the woods stories

Postby Noodle238 » Tue Aug 12, 2014 11:51 am

I was fishing a bass tourney with a buddy, he got the urge but the lake was packed. He decides to hop in the lake and hang onto the side of the boat. As he is stretched out there, it pops up. A floater, right between his legs and in front of him. He told me to use the troller to pull him away, but, it got stuck in his backwash and just spun around in front of his face. No matter where i went or how fast i tried to go it followed him. I almost fell out of the boat i laughed so hard.
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