King of WalMart.

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King of WalMart.

Postby sampsonhuntin » Wed May 01, 2013 10:58 pm

For this year’s Black Friday (the Friday after Thanksgiving where Americans go on a shopping rampage), I found an amusing piece about a retired man who accompanied his wife to WalMart. See why it’s funny:

A man who was retired from his work was forced to accompany his wife on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

One day, his wife received the following letter from the local WalMart:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of 20 funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.

Happy Black Friday!
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Indaswamp » Thu May 02, 2013 12:16 am

:lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3:
I wonder if someone sent his picture in to People of Wal-Mart?
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Glimmerjim » Thu May 02, 2013 12:27 am

That is WAY TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY Sampson! :clapping: :clapping: It's also inspirational! :thumbsup:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Indaswamp » Thu May 02, 2013 12:31 am

Glimmerjim wrote:That is WAY TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY Sampson! :clapping: :clapping: It's also inspirational! :thumbsup:

We want video Glimmer!!! :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Glimmerjim » Thu May 02, 2013 12:39 am

Indaswamp wrote:
Glimmerjim wrote:That is WAY TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY Sampson! :clapping: :clapping: It's also inspirational! :thumbsup:

We want video Glimmer!!! :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :lol3: I'll have to get my nerve up with a couple of Sierra Nevadas, then I'm game for most anything! :lol3: Which number do you like best, Inda? I owe you at least one favor! :lol3:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby rivercountry » Thu May 02, 2013 12:47 am

I really wish it were all true, I would vote for him to be president. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Indaswamp » Thu May 02, 2013 12:49 am

Glimmerjim wrote:
Indaswamp wrote:
Glimmerjim wrote:That is WAY TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY Sampson! :clapping: :clapping: It's also inspirational! :thumbsup:

We want video Glimmer!!! :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :lol3: I'll have to get my nerve up with a couple of Sierra Nevadas, then I'm game for most anything! :lol3: Which number do you like best, Inda? I owe you at least one favor! :lol3:

the last one! :lol3:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby rivercountry » Thu May 02, 2013 1:05 am

Indaswamp wrote:
Glimmerjim wrote:
Indaswamp wrote:
Glimmerjim wrote:That is WAY TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY Sampson! :clapping: :clapping: It's also inspirational! :thumbsup:

We want video Glimmer!!! :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :lol3: I'll have to get my nerve up with a couple of Sierra Nevadas, then I'm game for most anything! :lol3: Which number do you like best, Inda? I owe you at least one favor! :lol3:

the last one! :lol3:

XX2 My favorite by far.
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Glimmerjim » Thu May 02, 2013 1:18 am

Oh, that's one of the easy ones. I'll try to get it done soon. Let me line up an accomplice or two and we'll see what we can do! :thumbsup: I am trying to think of how to make it more authentic. A heavy accent?
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby trowlan1 » Thu May 02, 2013 5:11 am

Swedish accent.....
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby WoodyWhiffingMG » Thu May 02, 2013 6:07 am

This was hilarious, but...

a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


Walmart is not unionized, I don't think.
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby i_willie12 » Thu May 02, 2013 6:45 am

I hope half of that is true!!!! :lol3: :lol3: :clapping: :clapping:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Botiz630 » Thu May 02, 2013 7:27 am

WoodyWhiffingMG wrote:This was hilarious, but...

a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


Walmart is not unionized, I don't think.


Not in the U.S.

Other countries I'm sure they are.
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby kruse » Thu May 02, 2013 9:25 am

I love it. That was hilarious. I am going to have to try some of those next time I go to Wal-Mart. :lol3: :lol3: :clapping:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby dfrauenkron » Thu May 02, 2013 9:31 am

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: good stuff
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Glimmerjim » Thu May 02, 2013 10:23 am

Botiz630 wrote:
WoodyWhiffingMG wrote:This was hilarious, but...

a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


Walmart is not unionized, I don't think.


Not in the U.S.

Other countries I'm sure they are.

Yep. That is correct. The anti-union sentiment is worse at WalMart than here at DHC! :lol3:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby Cujo1 » Thu May 02, 2013 12:37 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
I found two boys riding bikes in the bicycle aisle at Wal mart one day. I happened to know these boys and also knew they would try about anything. I told them the first one to go get me a jar of pickles from the grocery end (on the opposite end of the store)on the bikes that I would give them five bucks. I lost five bucks but it was well worth the chaos that these two heathens caused to get me some pickles that I left on the shelf :thumbsup:
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby WoodyWhiffingMG » Thu May 02, 2013 1:14 pm

Glimmerjim wrote:
Botiz630 wrote:
WoodyWhiffingMG wrote:This was hilarious, but...

a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


Walmart is not unionized, I don't think.


Not in the U.S.

Other countries I'm sure they are.

Yep. That is correct. The anti-union sentiment is worse at WalMart than here at DHC! :lol3:

Oh, you mean Walmart is economically responsible?
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Re: King of WalMart.

Postby winchester1852 » Thu May 02, 2013 4:54 pm

this made my day thank you.
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