Top 10 pun list...

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Top 10 pun list...

Postby h2ofwlr » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:59 am

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest

#1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

#2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says, "Dam!"

#3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

#4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

#5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

#6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

#7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen

#8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought
the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

#9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him ...... (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good)....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

#10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns
to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.
The Audacity of Bull Crap.
"Typical: Gun-loving, bitter bible-thumping white person" Barack Obama.
Hey I resemble that comment!!! Those are FIGHTING WORDS!!!
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Postby had » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:08 am

#9 was pretty crazy :getdown:
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Postby Swamp Puppy » Tue Mar 08, 2005 2:01 pm

he he...seen those before. always make me laugh though.

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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby MarkM » Wed Mar 12, 2014 9:13 am

I giggled once or twice
possumfoot wrote:i cant remember who said it, but they said it best.. to a grown man, watching child birth is like a 9yo watching disney land burn to the ground..

Locked&Loaded wrote:
Indaswamp wrote:...metrosexual....

:lol3: I am!
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby Bill Herian » Wed Mar 12, 2014 9:46 am

Good bump Mark.

Some took a little long in the telling. The best puns are one liners.

Without a doubt the highest form of humor known to man. Watching people wreck expensive personal property is a close second.
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby aunt betty » Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:40 am

Have you heard about the online origami store?
It folded.
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby cluckmeister » Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:50 am

Old Grandma Jones lost her eye when she was younger and got a fake one. Every time one of the grandkids called and said they were coming to visit she always replied, Ill keep an eye out for ya.
If you're there for the limit, you're there for the wrong reason
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby charlie beard » Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:13 am

If you like your insurance plan you can keep it.
"If you put the Federal Government in charge of the Sahara desert,
in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand"
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby KRB » Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:31 am

Davey Crockett's last word's at the Alamo? Were the hell did all these landscaper's come from.
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby sprigs4days » Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:41 am

What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he went to school?
Good can triumph over evil if the angels are as organized as the mafia
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Re: Top 10 pun list...

Postby beretta24 » Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:43 pm

Bill Herian wrote:Good bump Mark.

Some took a little long in the telling. The best puns are one liners.

Without a doubt the highest form of humor known to man. Watching people wreck expensive personal property is a close second.

I prefer the later
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