Little kids and the things they say...

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Little kids and the things they say...

Postby h2ofwlr » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:04 am

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.


The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.


The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.


Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.


The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".


The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"


The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".


***********************************


A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.


As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.


The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."


The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."


Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."


******************************************


A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.


After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"


Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."


*********************************************


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.


She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"


Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."


The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


**************************************


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.


"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'


A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "


**********************************************


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."


"Yes," the class said.


"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"


A little fellow shouted,


"Cause your feet ain't empty."


************************************************


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:


"Take only ONE. God is watching."


Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.


A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.


************************************


A four-year-old child whose next-door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.



When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry."


***************************************************

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family.
One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members.

One child suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted."
"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.
It means," said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."



********************************************************

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up.

As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat.
He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest.

As he listened to her heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."


************************************************************


On my way home one day I stopped to watch a Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home.
As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was.
"We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile."
Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged."
"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. "Why should
we be discouraged? We have not been up to bat yet.



********************************************



Whenever I am disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.

Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play.

His mother told me that he would set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school.

Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement.

"Guess what Mom," he shouted,



and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me............................



"I've been chosen to clap and cheer."



**********************************************



An Eye Witness Account from New York City, on a cold day in December some years ago:



A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the boy and said, "My, but your in such deep thought staring in that window!"

"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy.

She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel.

He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.

She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, you will be more comfortable now".

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face........ with tears in his eyes,

asked her ……………"Are you God's Wife?"



************************************************

A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a
fourth grader at a public elementary school. However,
when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and
made it all the way to the child's classroom before a
teacher noticed and shoo'ed him outside, closing the
door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and
stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside
the dog, patted his head, and said, "Don't feel bad fella'....
they won't let ME in either."
The Audacity of Bull Crap.
"Typical: Gun-loving, bitter bible-thumping white person" Barack Obama.
Hey I resemble that comment!!! Those are FIGHTING WORDS!!!
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Postby shrpshtr » Tue Mar 08, 2005 11:32 am

those are great. and oh how true the title is...
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Postby Admin2 » Wed Mar 09, 2005 12:09 pm

YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

*******************


Circumcised - this is priceless!

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.

He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school


The Deputy riding shotgun
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Postby duckbum13 » Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:51 am

oh wow those aare great that curcumcised one oh man i was rollin on the floor laughin :toofunny:
might as well start callin me the pit man
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Postby SCoutdoorsman » Mon Mar 14, 2005 3:01 pm

All good ones :thumbsup:
Everyone must believe in something and I believe I'll go hunting. When men bond something must die.
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Postby 98ramtough » Mon Mar 14, 2005 4:07 pm

admin2- those are great. F in sex. lol
Quack
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