Football season is approaching and it's time for the jokes!
1. A few years after graduation a UGA graduate, a Florida graduate, and a Tennessee graduate are all in California and all coincidentally living in the same apartment building. During the middle of the day there is a major earthquake, which ones don't make it?
The Florida and Tennessee grads were killed... the Georgia grad was at work.
2. An Atlanta mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming procedure. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough to begin the procedure without his boss, the apprentice began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its rectum. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the Georgia Tech fight song coming out of the guy's butt.
Startled by what had happened, he ran to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come and help me. I 've seen something I can't believe!" So the mortician went with apprentice to see what was the matter. "Look, there is a cork in this cadaver's butt. Pull it out and see what happens!" So he removed the cork and heard the Tech fight song. "That's not unusual," his boss replied, "I've heard thousands of a**holes sing that song!"
3. Tragically, a UNC grad, a Duke grad, and an NC State grad died at exactly the same time and arrived at the Pearly Gates simultaneously. St. Peter announced to the three candidates that they must answer a religious question correctly before they could enter heaven.
"The question is," he said, "What is the meaning of Easter?" The State grad replied, "That's when Santa Claus comes and give presents to all the good boys and girls." "You're wrong," St. Pete said. "You are condemned to a lifetime in hell." Next it was the UNC alum's turn. "That's a traditional American holiday, he says, "Everyone gathers with relatives, cooks a turkey, and gives thanks for their good fortune." "NO, NO, NO!" cries St. Pete. "You are condemned, also."
Finally, it was the Duke grad's turn. He began, "We celebrate Easter because Christ died to forgive our sins. They took him from the cross, put him in a tomb and..." "Wait, wait!," St. Pete interrupted, "I want those other two to listen to this! Get over here, both of you!" "Okay, now proceed." "After 3 days," the Dookie continued, "they rolled the stone door back, Jesus poked his head out, saw his shadow and there were 6 more weeks of winter!"
4. The LSU Football Team went hunting in the woods, and before they knew it, they had become lost. One of the players said, "Wait a minute! I heard that if you're lost, you can just shoot into the air, and somebody will find you!" They all agreed, and began shooting in the air, anxiously awaiting rescue. They started to worry, though because it was getting dark and no one had found them yet. So, one of the players said, "Man, I hope someone comes soon... I'm running out of arrows!"
In God we trust, all others must show ID.