Some College Humor

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Some College Humor

Postby HuntingWife » Sun Aug 07, 2005 8:14 pm

Football season is approaching and it's time for the jokes!

1. A few years after graduation a UGA graduate, a Florida graduate, and a Tennessee graduate are all in California and all coincidentally living in the same apartment building. During the middle of the day there is a major earthquake, which ones don't make it?

The Florida and Tennessee grads were killed... the Georgia grad was at work.

2. An Atlanta mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming procedure. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough to begin the procedure without his boss, the apprentice began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its rectum. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the Georgia Tech fight song coming out of the guy's butt.

Startled by what had happened, he ran to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come and help me. I 've seen something I can't believe!" So the mortician went with apprentice to see what was the matter. "Look, there is a cork in this cadaver's butt. Pull it out and see what happens!" So he removed the cork and heard the Tech fight song. "That's not unusual," his boss replied, "I've heard thousands of a**holes sing that song!"

3. Tragically, a UNC grad, a Duke grad, and an NC State grad died at exactly the same time and arrived at the Pearly Gates simultaneously. St. Peter announced to the three candidates that they must answer a religious question correctly before they could enter heaven.

"The question is," he said, "What is the meaning of Easter?" The State grad replied, "That's when Santa Claus comes and give presents to all the good boys and girls." "You're wrong," St. Pete said. "You are condemned to a lifetime in hell." Next it was the UNC alum's turn. "That's a traditional American holiday, he says, "Everyone gathers with relatives, cooks a turkey, and gives thanks for their good fortune." "NO, NO, NO!" cries St. Pete. "You are condemned, also."

Finally, it was the Duke grad's turn. He began, "We celebrate Easter because Christ died to forgive our sins. They took him from the cross, put him in a tomb and..." "Wait, wait!," St. Pete interrupted, "I want those other two to listen to this! Get over here, both of you!" "Okay, now proceed." "After 3 days," the Dookie continued, "they rolled the stone door back, Jesus poked his head out, saw his shadow and there were 6 more weeks of winter!"

4. The LSU Football Team went hunting in the woods, and before they knew it, they had become lost. One of the players said, "Wait a minute! I heard that if you're lost, you can just shoot into the air, and somebody will find you!" They all agreed, and began shooting in the air, anxiously awaiting rescue. They started to worry, though because it was getting dark and no one had found them yet. So, one of the players said, "Man, I hope someone comes soon... I'm running out of arrows!"
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Postby shrpshtr » Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:03 pm

:toofunny:

just so you know HW, i am a gamecock fan and i absolutely hate UGA. i hate them more than Clemsux. it's all because of a illiterate toothless uncle-in-law that lives and breathes UGA football. it's unfortunate that he can't even spell UGA though. the last few years when i see him i have to hear his jacka$$ remarks about how they beat USC again. i despise this man so i must despise the bulldogs... :thumbsdown:

oh how i love to talk college football though...bring it on!
Talk 'em into givin' up!

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Postby HuntingWife » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:52 am

Woohoo! Anyone else?
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Postby sdgr8wthnter » Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:12 am

All i got to say is go Maze and Blue!!!!
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Postby hm_palmer » Mon Aug 08, 2005 12:04 pm

I cant wait for college football to start, I already got tickets to a couple games over here the big one will be WSU vs. ND.
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Postby DROPDUX » Mon Aug 08, 2005 12:25 pm

Shrp,

Spurrier should shut him up pretty quick. He has that effect on other teams fans. Especially in the sec.
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Postby shrpshtr » Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:34 pm

i am hopin' so drop! it's just gonna be nice knowing we have an offensive-minded coach. i can only dream he'll take USC to the level he did UF! who knows, maybe even further!!! :thumbsup:
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Postby HuntingWife » Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:43 pm

shrpshtr wrote:i am hopin' so drop! it's just gonna be nice knowing we have an offensive-minded coach. i can only dream he'll take USC to the level he did UF! who knows, maybe even further!!! :thumbsup:


Whereas I am looking forward to send him crying back home to SC after the Dawgs chew y'all up and spit you out in Athens in a few weeks! Grudge match! This is gonna get good...

:getdown:
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Postby gahunter » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:24 pm

Get'em baby! We are going to send those yard strutters back to Carolina missing most of those ugly old feathers just like we always do. As for Spurrier, I hope he trips and strangles himself on that damn visor. GO DAWGS! :thumbsup:

Shrp, this should starting getting fun the closer we get to game time. :salude:
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Postby gahunter » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:53 pm

Here is a joke that I modified just a little for this post.

There were 3 gamecock fans, Bubba, Leroy, and Billy Bob that always traveled together. One day bubba was in a terrible accident and was killed, so the coroner brought in leroy and bb to identify the body. They looked him over a while and then asked the coroner to roll the body over. After inspecting the backside, they both agreed that it wasn't bubba. When the coroner asked how they knew. They both said that the body only had one anus so it couldn't possibly be bubba. The coroner was obviously confused so he asked what they meant. Leroy, the brains of the trio, spoke up. He said it can't be bubba, because every time we would go somewhere everybody would say "damn, here comes bubba and those 2 @******". :toofunny:
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Postby HuntingWife » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:29 pm

:toofunny:

Good one, sweetie!
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Postby shrpshtr » Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:35 pm

hey ga, you know the only problem with University of Georgia? that bulldog mascot, UGA, is the smartest and best looking female y'all have ever had! :toofunny:
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Postby HuntingWife » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:01 pm

shrpshtr wrote:hey ga, you know the only problem with University of Georgia? that bulldog mascot, UGA, is the smartest and best looking female y'all have ever had! :toofunny:


Hmmm... you might have had a point there... too bad all the UGA's have been male... nice try though... didn't expect much out of a USC fan anyway...

:getdown: :getdown: :getdown:
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Postby HuntingWife » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:19 pm

Hey Shrp (and everyone else), I invite you over to the Sports forum for some more quality trash talkin!

:yes:
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Postby shrpshtr » Tue Aug 09, 2005 10:13 am

HuntingWife wrote: ... ...the UGA's have been male...

:getdown: :getdown: :getdown:



oh no, HW, that was the point! :toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny:
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Postby dwr3533 » Tue Aug 09, 2005 3:28 pm

How do you get a Univ. of Georgia graduate off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
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