Funny Jokes

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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby Duck Whisperer » Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:45 pm

Nasrin wrote:I like cheese so much. I eaten too much cheeses in my childhood. So, for this reason i have made many cheese jokes in my childhood. My parents forbid ed me for not eat much cheese. But i eat cheeses by steeling. One my parents have caught me and gave tomato to eat instead of cheese.



Look at any calender. After Monday and Tuesday, even a calender says W-T-F?
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby DuckZapper160 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:07 am

Duck Whisperer wrote:
Nasrin wrote:I like cheese so much. I eaten too much cheeses in my childhood. So, for this reason i have made many cheese jokes in my childhood. My parents forbid ed me for not eat much cheese. But i eat cheeses by steeling. One my parents have caught me and gave tomato to eat instead of cheese.



Look at any calender. After Monday and Tuesday, even a calender says W-T-F?



Yea this one has me :huh: :huh:
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby Rob Robertson » Tue May 22, 2012 1:12 pm

DuckZapper160 wrote:
Duck Whisperer wrote:
Nasrin wrote:I like cheese so much. I eaten too much cheeses in my childhood. So, for this reason i have made many cheese jokes in my childhood. My parents forbid ed me for not eat much cheese. But i eat cheeses by steeling. One my parents have caught me and gave tomato to eat instead of cheese.



Look at any calender. After Monday and Tuesday, even a calender says W-T-F?



Yea this one has me :huh: :huh:



Took me a second but here goes, on the callender is S M T W T F S After Tuesday you are left with W T F then Saturday.

And Now My joke: A man walks into a Psychiatrist office wearing nothing but Saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks up and says, " I can see Your nuts".
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby UrbanDuckMan » Wed May 23, 2012 10:27 pm

Inside at the bar of a small dirt floor bar in western Wyoming sat a REAL COWBOY ... sip'n on a cold one.

A good look'n gal sits down on the bar stool next to him and smiles.

The cowboy being the opportunist that he is asks , " can I buy you a drink lil lady?"

To this the gal replies " sure , why not ".

As they sit and drink thier beer the cowboy is look'n his new drink'n comapanion over closely and is admiring her tight in all the right places, black leather outfit with accompanying high heel boots. Once done he is moved to ask, " from your clothes I was wonder'n...well... what are you?"

To this question she replies. " Sir, I am a proud LESBIAN!"

Somewhat puzzled the cowby asks. " a Lesbian, what's that?

The explanation given was something like this. I dream all night long about women, I dream and think about women all day long. I think about women be'n naked and lickn'em all over and all the stuff I can do to'em in bed!"

Then she asks " I been look'n at how your dressed and can't figure it out... so ... WHAT ARE YOU?"

Without much thought the cowboy answers. " Up to today I always thought I was a COWBY...but come to find out ...I'M A LESBIAN!"
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby crittergitter » Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:03 am

Alright here we go;

A Sooner, Longhorn, and Husker are walking down the road and disover an oil lamp. They run over and pick it up and rub on it and a genie shoots out of it and says "I am the genie of this lamp. The ones who have free'd me are each granted one wish".

The Husker looks around and says "I will go first, well you see all my family history all the men have been farmers. So i would like to have an eternity of fertial land so all the future Huskers will have much success". POOF!!! There you have it an eternity of fertial land.

The sooner says "I will go next, my wish is a simple one. I wish for a wall to be built around the great state of Oklahoma to keep all the good okies in and all the forigners out". POOF!!!! There you have it a great wall built all the way around the great state of Oklahoma. Now all the great Okies can be safe.

Last but not least the Longhorn says, "I would like to know more about this wall."

Genie says " this great Oklahoma wall is 80ft tall, 20 ft wide, and all the way around the great state.

The Longhorn thinks to himself and says "I got it fill it with water". :yes: :lol3: :yes: :lol3: :grooving: :clapping:
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby Over the Limit & Co. » Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:00 pm

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar keep for some crackers. The bar keep says we don't have any crackers and we don't serve ducks. Next day the duck comes back and asks guy for some crackers. This time the guy says I don't serve ducks and I don't have any crackers. Then he says if you come back again I'm going to nail your feet to the floor and sick my dog on you. So the duck leaves again. The next day the duck comes back in and asks "Do you got a hammer and some nails"? The bar owner says no this is a bar not a hardware store. Then the duck asks "So do you got any crackers"?
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby LongTom » Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:22 am

crittergitter wrote:Alright here we go;

A Sooner, Longhorn, and Husker are walking down the road and disover an oil lamp. They run over and pick it up and rub on it and a genie shoots out of it and says "I am the genie of this lamp. The ones who have free'd me are each granted one wish".

The Husker looks around and says "I will go first, well you see all my family history all the men have been farmers. So i would like to have an eternity of fertial land so all the future Huskers will have much success". POOF!!! There you have it an eternity of fertial land.

The sooner says "I will go next, my wish is a simple one. I wish for a wall to be built around the great state of Oklahoma to keep all the good okies in and all the forigners out". POOF!!!! There you have it a great wall built all the way around the great state of Oklahoma. Now all the great Okies can be safe.

Last but not least the Longhorn says, "I would like to know more about this wall."

Genie says " this great Oklahoma wall is 80ft tall, 20 ft wide, and all the way around the great state.

The Longhorn thinks to himself and says "I got it fill it with water". :yes: :lol3: :yes: :lol3: :grooving: :clapping:



I think you just revived the oldest, stupidest joke ever and on top of that---you told it poorly!
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby micneador » Mon Nov 04, 2013 4:41 pm

A professor at Wayne State University, in Detroit, was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now, let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says: "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks: "So, Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Hamad replied: "Damn, from way back there I thought you said goats."
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Re: Funny Jokes

Postby Yuchi1 » Fri Feb 07, 2014 4:57 pm

Woman walks into drug store and approaches the pharmacy counter where she asks the pharmacist to sell her some cyanide.

Shocked, he replies cyanide is a highly dangerous and lethal substance and he couldn't just sell it to anyone.

She replies, "it's to kill my husband with" to which the pharmacist begins reaching for the phone to call security.

At that point, she pulls out a photo from her purse, showing her husband and the pharmacist's wife, in bed together.

Oh, he replied, "I didn't know you had a prescription".
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