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WORDS OF WISDOM

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to
drive the U-Haul to the funeral.

DINING OUT:

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly
so as not to "bruise" the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with your hands.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
Taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his
manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in
private, using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as they detract
from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family):

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.

THEATER ETIQUETTE:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the
movies ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS:

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's
loaded and the deer's in sight.
2. When approaching a 4-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's impolite
to ask her to bring back beer, too.
5. Don't lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
 

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#5 in words of wisdom has happend in my family. At my Great Aunts funeral her illegitamate daughter landed at the funeral with a cube van and a U- Hall trailer. :pissed: Its not that funny when it really happens. Worst part of it was that all the antiques were bought by my Great Uncle before he met his wife and also some of the things were family heirlooms. What a BEACH.
 

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Hey greg wile, that sounds like my wife's step-grandmother. That heffer has given away alll sorts of family heirlooms to her crazy kids and some to just random people. Needless to say it is a very sore subject with my in-laws :pissed: .
 

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1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
Taxidermist.
UH-OH. :getdown:
 

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Dont let dogs eat at the table.

Then where should i eat?
 
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