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A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's
yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt. The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"

The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car. While walking back,
however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said okay, he said, "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."
With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.

As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"

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Two morons are out duck hunting. They hunt and hunt and hunt into the late hours of the evening and still have not killed one duck. Finally, moron #1 says to moron #2, "Maybe we'd do better if we threw the dog up higher."

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Did you hear about the moron who went elephant hunting?
He got a hernia carrying the decoys.

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A moron hunter gets lost in the woods, so he does the standard survival
procedure of firing three shots into the air. Every few hours, he repeats this, but no one comes. Finally after two days, someone stumbles across him. "Boy am I glad to see you!!" he shouts, "I ran out of arrows about three hours ago."

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From some L.A. paper, in a column by Roger Simon:

A recently released federal study, however, showed that 50% of all hunting accidents come from hunters falling out of trees.

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Missouri - A man showing off a turkey he thought he had killed was shot in the leg last week when the wounded bird thrashed around in his car trunk and triggered his shotgun.

"The turkeys are fighting back." said Sheriff Ron Skiles. And well they might; it turns out Larry Lands, who was in satisfactory condition in the hospital in Potosi, and his son, Larry Jr., 16, were hunting a week before the start of turkey season and will probably be fined, the sheriff said.

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Risks Of A Modern Weatherman
Network Wind Profiler Severely Damaged

A wind profiler in OAR's Wind Profiler Demonstration Network (WPDN) was
severely damaged by several shot-gun blasts late last week. On March 28, just before sunrise, two men and one woman were pheasant hunting in southern Nebraska and came across the McCook wind profiler and mistook it for an alien spacecraft.

Frightened, they fired a number of shots damaging the profiler antenna and the electronics shed. Furthermore, a Forecast Systems Lab (FSL) technician who was in the shed conducting routine system checks was taken hostage by the hunters.

After being held captive for nearly two hours, the technician's partner arrived and explained to the hunters what the profiler really was. The hunters then fled and so far, they have not been apprehended by law enforcement officials.

Profiler damage is estimated at $150,000.
 

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POLICEMEN

Good

An Erie, PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

Better

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsburgh, PA A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

Absolute Best

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball". He replied, "Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls". There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
 

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a man was pulled over for running through a stop sign. when the officer reached his window the man asked why he was pulled over.

the officer responded " you failed to come to a complete stop at the last intersection"

the man said that he slowed down , saw no one was coming so he proceeded and did'nt see how the officer could justify giving him a ticket.

the officer then told him it was justified b/c it was a stop sign not a slow down sign.

the man then became irrate saying it was the same thing and the officer said no it was not the same thing. the man then yelled at the cop to show him how it was not the same thing.

the cop then proceeded to pull out his night stick and commenced to beating the crap out of the man.

stopping only to ask " now would you like me to slow down or stop" :toofunny:
 

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SCoutdoorsman said:
POLICEMEN

Good

An Erie, PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

Better

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsburgh, PA A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

Absolute Best

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball". He replied, "Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls". There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
the last one doubled me over.... :toofunny:

here is one of the funniest i have ever heard. i actually saw this in a commercial later on.

A man was pulled over by a cop for speeding when asked, "Do you know why I pulled you over, sir?" The man responded immediately with, "Cause you think I have doughnuts in the truck?"
 
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